I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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