i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
