dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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