Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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