i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
