I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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