i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
