i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
