Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
