For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
