That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
