69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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