you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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