I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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