I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I AM VODKA MAN
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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