I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
