It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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