I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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