So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
