That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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