I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
