i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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