so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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