everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
