I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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