dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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