she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
