I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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