Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
