you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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