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"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
