Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
