Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
