I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
