i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
