After last night, I could never be a politician.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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