Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
