Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Pooping to opera.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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