'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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