I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
