His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
