This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
