guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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