she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
