Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
