How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We got so high we made milksteak
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
