did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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