Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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