Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
