There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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