i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
