Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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