How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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