Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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