dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
zippers are such a cool invention
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
