how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
