I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
