hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
