I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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