im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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