Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
