The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
