i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
