Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just invented taco cereal.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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