I met the friendliest cop last night
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize