I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
