dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
