Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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